I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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