I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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