420 ftw
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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