Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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