fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
well you can't waste a boner
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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