No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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