Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
