wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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