Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
