You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
