My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
