You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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