idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
