just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
