If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Holy shit dude........stairs
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