i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
