Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
