found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
