singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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