Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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