Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
