drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
