Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
