So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
