So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
