never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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