i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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