think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
