there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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