Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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