One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
