But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
