I have demons in me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
