there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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