i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
