You smell like a Billy Joel song
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize