Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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