Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You've changed since you got that strap on
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
