Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
