I wannas sexs uuuuu
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
