i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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