I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
