we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
