I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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