I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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