I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
