Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Vodka?
Forever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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