hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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