just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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