i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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