my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it's like iHOP with fire
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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